thankful...

"Be prepared to let go of anything I take from you, but never let go of My hand"

Today is a day of reflection for me, and gratitude.

It also brings back a flood of memories and fears.  The last few days have…

Today is a year, last year at this time my husband Steve was having his open heart surgery.  I won’t retell the story, but he found out about his heart problems during his 50 year Wellness tests… Things happened very quickly, tests then the surgery. 

Steve is my “everything”; I went from my parents, to his side at 18 years old.  We have been through many things together, and our path has taken us away from family…so you see it is he and I. 

My fear, what would I do without him during that surgery?  He was always there for me, for all of the hard times…I was alone.  Or was I?  I am not a religious person, I believe in God.  But for the first time in my life, I really believed…I felt his presence, I knew he was with me and I knew he was with Steve. 

My outlook has changed a bit; I do not question being alone any more.  I know I am not.  I am still learning. 

I had the company of my very special friend, my “sister friend” who came with us that morning, and stayed by my side all day.  I love you Bridgette, you will never know what that meant for me, for you to be there with me.  I had friends come by the hospital as the day went on, I am so grateful for them. 

You never, ever know what you are capable of doing.  I struggle with fear and fear based thoughts, it is ongoing and it is hard work….”I am not where I want to be, but I am not where I once was”…that is my mantra…

I love my husband with all of my heart, I have for the 34 years I have know him… we have struggles like all couples... but I am so happy that he is here with me.  Call me very grateful today.  I love you Steve…

today I hit a wall...

Google image

And without a word, my friend must have known.  An unanswered call didn't put her off like I might have silently hoped, another soon came and then the dreaded threat...I am coming over....lol!  At first I just unloaded and had a good cry...she let me just talk, and talk, and cry.  And then the words of support came (I knew they would)  I really just thought I wanted to be alone with my thoughts..I didn't want to go to lunch, my head was pounding and I just wanted to go to bed, and sit upon my "pity pot"...till I got a huge red mark on my butt....but guess what? She didn't buy it... So we compromised and she came to see me with a Sonic diet Cherry Limeade and I realized what a special friend I have.  So grateful...and now it is my turn, another friend is hurting and away from home and worried for her mother who she flew to be with...I will call her...it is what we do.

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON

As I sit here this morning, worried beyond worried, waiting for the vet to call me back after seeing Rocky.  I am humbled by the love of a friend...On this day, a day when I needed to feel something magic....I do.
I haven't mentioned yet on my blog, our furry Rocky 10 on the Valentines Day isn't well.  He has been having pain and didn't want to jump up and off furniture and over the few days has gotten worse.  I called the vet gave him some meds...and we went in this morning.  My poor boy is in great pain...Before I got home, the vet called and said he needed to sedate him for xrays, his pain is to great.  Now I wait.  Broken hearted, fearing the loss of my dog. (anxiety sucks!!!!!)

So Steve called to me and said "you have a package from Vermont".

One thought in my head, Melonie.  You see,  Melonie (Studio27) and I have never met, but she is an art sister...and I know and admire her from Etsy.  I was so happy to open this package and find one of her famous Goddess Books.  I wont share my note from her, lol, but she knew I was going through some stuff...as you my reader also knows, with anxiety and meds...  Bless her heart, she gifted this to me as a special surprise.  And it is... on THIS day, I needed this.  This is a God thing.... So thank you Melanie...from the bottom of my heart...you have made my day with your wonderful act of kindness.  love you xo

RESOLUTION: TO JOURNAL

This is another resolution I have tried to get into the practice through out the years, but this year....I am trying again.  I like the idea of journaling but sometimes I do not know what to journal about.  My anxiety causes racing thoughts and sometimes they are hard to 'filter" through.  I was looking for a Gratitude journal, but came up empty...so I make myself a journal to use.

This is a photograph of my maternal grandma and her sister.  I love this photo...and I like the way the journal turned out.  While I was out shopping yesterday I came across a gratitude journal that I loved.  the pages were in a list form and them the other page for your own words, it was 24.00 and the cover was not what I wanted.  So what to do?  I took a pic of the page and I created a bookmark for MY journal with the prompts on it.

These are great thought provoking questions, or prompts.  I am so happy I found this book, if not to buy...to borrow the idea of it.  Happy journaling~

TICK,TICK,TICK

Well the time is ticking away from 2010.  We are just days away from a New Year... Resolutions are on our minds, a fresh start....for many of us...what does the New Year mean to you?
For us, the latter part of 2010 brought much anxiety and worry.  First Mom and her open heart surgery and then to return home and have my husband Steve....wind up in the same boat, oh my gosh....Who could have thought this???? Certainly not me.  Oh the lessons I have learned this year.

One is gratitude- I am so grateful for the love and prayers of both friends and people I do not know...or did not know.  I learned that when you ask or open your heart to others about your worries...you shall be blessed with the concern of the people you open up to.  Mom and Steve are both doing great, God has answered all of our prayers.  They are still recovering, but moving onward. This family has much to be grateful for.

So BLESSED...

This morning I am feeling so blessed and saying thank you. Last month on this day, we were in the hospital with mom and she was awaiting her heart catheterization. This was the first step to her open heart surgery. We gathered and tried to get her mind off things, trying to keep her (and us) positive, we prayed we asked others to pray…and pray you did. And our prayers were answered. For that I am very grateful and mom and dad are very grateful.
She did great, her stay in CCU was only two days, and her stay in the hospital was much shorter than expected. Her trip to rehab, now that was hat she feared most, and she did so well that she was released from there quickly as well. We all see this as God’s will….but I am so proud of my mom, because she also has a very strong will and we are all so happy to see that.
So continue to fight mom, and do what you are told to do…I am so proud of you and I love you and Dad very much.
Thank you to each and everyone of my friends and family, my art friends, FB friends, Etsy friends, personal friends and people whom we didn’t know…prayers mean so much and I appreciate them all~

GRATEFUL HEART

Today I write this as a very grateful woman.  All the prayers were answered and my mom’s open heart surgery was a success.  Her hospital and rehab stay was much shorter than her Dr.’s thought, Amen…She was VERY happy about this, and she just wanted to be home.  Her RA was the major factor in this, and so far we are very pleased.  She is getting stronger everyday and becoming more and more herself with each passing day.