a bit of a binge

oh I could say so much about eating and food addictions.  But I like to think I am on a new path now, well...I know I am on a new path.
Sometimes, I still get a craving for a "sweet" so I will allow myself a little piece of something.
Ravenous at the grocery last week, I desired chocolate, I now only want real chocolate, 70%.  So I bought a bar, and then I thought mmmm, cookies sound good.  So I remembered seeing an ad for these, perfect, healthy cookies.  But are they?

This box was gone in 2 days.  They are yummy...and while they are "good" for you, still a red light food for me...stay away......is my plan. 
And to be honest, after indulging in these and the chocolate bar and a bit of an eating frenzy...I felt sluggish, tummy troubles, and a wee bit disappointed with old behaviors.
Back on track...onward...

thankful...

"Be prepared to let go of anything I take from you, but never let go of My hand"

Today is a day of reflection for me, and gratitude.

It also brings back a flood of memories and fears.  The last few days have…

Today is a year, last year at this time my husband Steve was having his open heart surgery.  I won’t retell the story, but he found out about his heart problems during his 50 year Wellness tests… Things happened very quickly, tests then the surgery. 

Steve is my “everything”; I went from my parents, to his side at 18 years old.  We have been through many things together, and our path has taken us away from family…so you see it is he and I. 

My fear, what would I do without him during that surgery?  He was always there for me, for all of the hard times…I was alone.  Or was I?  I am not a religious person, I believe in God.  But for the first time in my life, I really believed…I felt his presence, I knew he was with me and I knew he was with Steve. 

My outlook has changed a bit; I do not question being alone any more.  I know I am not.  I am still learning. 

I had the company of my very special friend, my “sister friend” who came with us that morning, and stayed by my side all day.  I love you Bridgette, you will never know what that meant for me, for you to be there with me.  I had friends come by the hospital as the day went on, I am so grateful for them. 

You never, ever know what you are capable of doing.  I struggle with fear and fear based thoughts, it is ongoing and it is hard work….”I am not where I want to be, but I am not where I once was”…that is my mantra…

I love my husband with all of my heart, I have for the 34 years I have know him… we have struggles like all couples... but I am so happy that he is here with me.  Call me very grateful today.  I love you Steve…

hello friends

Well here I am, starting me second week without computer and signal on my cell phone and I have made it through…Still not happy about it…but…is what it is. Even Blogger looks odd to me here, (they may have changed something) I can’t see my “follow” feed…but I have no way to read them anyway. So know I will catch up with y’all when I can. Thanks to all of you, sending me emails and messages via FB, I only see them when I do log on to a computer. So know I am thankful for your prayers and concerns, I feel so bad I can’t reply quickly.

Let’s see, Dad first. He is doing well; I am having the best time spending quality time with him, pampering him and being here for all of his needs. He is getting stronger everyday…we have good talks and I feel blessed to be here for him. He gets his stitches out Tuesday and hopefully (please God) his catheter out Wednesday. He is sooo ready for that to go. He is anxious to see Mom; they do talk a couple times everyday. She even calls here now, GOOD SIGN.

Now Mom, oh this is so hard to know her road is a long one. And she gets down and sad, who wouldn’t. But we want our parents to be happy and worry free…but we all have these trying times. BUT, she is showing such improvement with her attitude and while she still relives the fall and hospital stay, it is less and less. She is smiling more and laughing more. This just is such a blessing. I know she is doing her best to get through this and she is seeing the improvement she is making. She is eating better and just progressing…small steps, but I will take them. I do find the lessons/blessings in this situation, I love the quiet moments we have, talking and just letting each other know how much we love each other. These are things that go unsaid sometimes… I am taking advantage of all of this. I dearly love my mom and dad, and even though I live far away, in our hearts we couldn’t be closer. While I was at home, consumed with fear based thoughts, I prayed a lot and asked God to please show me the lessens I am to learn, I didn’t fell anything then, I do now. In his time, not mine, right?

I miss my husband and puppies and my home, my art as this is my escape when I am stressed…but I will be back there soon. And I know that this is where I belong right now, I am so thankful for a loving, understanding hubby…

As I end this, I hear Dad downstairs talking on the phone to his wife, and he is laughing, music to my ears… blessings to each and every one of you who will read this, xo