OVER THE 5 POUND MARK

Lordy.....
hello, finally I have passed that first milestone....good grief.  But this is 5 pounds that will not be back....I will tell you that.

I am in my 5th week of the new Weight Watcher's, and I have finally hit 5 pounds.  I can not say that I am not impatient and wanting these pounds to melt off quicker....because I am!  I finally got it thru my head at this last meeting, that I am NOT going to lose like I used too....I honestly think my body likes this weight, probably feels good and squishy on the inside.....lol.  But it has to go. 
My leader reviewed my journal and said I was not eating enough...go figure.  I am eating all of my points, but the choices are not the best, need more protein!  And I am not eating the 49 reserved points.  So this week, a new week....I will eat more protein and drink more water and use those points.  Also need to bump up the heart rate.  I am walking and at a good pace, but apparently my body is now used to it.  And I will incorporate weights...So hopefully the next 5 will come quicker....
But still no need for anti-depressants and I am thrilled for that.  I am embracing the emotions I feel again....and the pople I love are forced to as well, because it doesn't take much to cry...

WEEK 1, SO HOW DID IT GO?

I went to my first return weigh in last Tuesday, so sorry it took me so long to come and report...I have NO EXCUSE.  I am still trying to get to the daily blogging...oh the promises I make to myself....

OK, I digress....back to the weigh in.  I was happy lose 2.8 pounds my fist week.  But if I am totally honest (accountable to my feelings) I felt a bit of disappointment, I hoped for more.  This week I will go Monday, as Tuesday is Fat Tuesday in these parts, Mardi Gras....So I am afraid the loss of a day will make a difference....I know silly me!  I find it a bit frustrating in figuring out the new points plus...but it is getting easier.  I will share more, very soon....

ACCOUNTABILITY DAY 1

ACCOUNTABILITY DAY 1

 Well, I did it, walked into a meeting at Weight Watchers this morning, with my friend Lori.  Accountable, to ourselves and each other... the journey begins.

Am I worried I won't do it?  Heck no...I know I will.  I have done it before and will again.  IF, it was the anti-depressant drugs, that is no longer a worry.  I will not fully blame the drugs, I have gotten lazy about my eating, and exercise...ebb and flow....all good, no regrets...but ready to work my ass off, literally!
There are a lot of changes in the WW program, new things to learn and fruits are free!!!!! yay....
I will add that this is the highest my weight has been since my weight loss over 20 years ago..I was stunned to see the number, but it was reality! Stay tuned...more to come.

And by the way, I am feeling so much better with the withdrawal from Cymbalta.  it was a bit of a struggle, wasn't expecting that.  But I am sticking with my belief that this is the time for me to try and be free from the drug....and I am so hoping that I will not have to return to them.  I have been feeling lots of emotion in the recent days, in a good way.  The dull, flat feelings are leaving...and real emotion is once again showing in my soul!  It feels right....I feel JOY!

ACCOUNTABLE TO ME....

I had a sort of epiphany today while on my walk.  I have not been ACCOUNTABLE to me...myself...the only person I should really be accountable to.  I guess I have known this for a long time...but today it hit home.  So I came home and thought a bit about it, and decided to try to really be accountable, to myself.

PART 1/WEIGHT
Oh my goodness, I have been singing this song for (3) years.  But I am re focused now since I have almost completely weaned off the Cymbalta. I have been walking since Steve's re-hab began, my eating has been pretty good! But I am taking another stab at Weight Watchers and the points system...I know this works, I have done this for years...I could teach it to others....but I have not been accountable.  I will let you know my progress....

TRYING TO FIND MY WAY...

Well, here I am three weeks into my diet. I started out with drive and good intentions. I have leveled off into, just getting by. Squeaking by managing to drop a bit weekly, but am I focused? NO... So each week I am renewed in my intentions and hopeful for a good week.

I have been reflecting lately and I think some of my anxiety symptoms are returning, or have they never gone far? Who knows... I wish there was a pill to take to "live in the moment". I have a true desire to do so, but I can never wrap my mind around it. I do know people who can do it, and I envy that, so much. I live in my head... and wish to get out of my head sometimes. So I carry on and try to make the changes I wish to change. If there is a self help book for doing so, please let me know!

WEIGHT WATCHERS ONLINE- WEEK 1

Ok, well here it is the end of the dreaded week one. I did well, didn't agonize over food, and didn’t have any horrible guilt feelings or "bad" feelings. I had a bit of a hurdle on Friday, my co-workers birthday and she wanted take out from Chile's. We got appetizers, yikes...but I only ate half. And a small, small piece of cake.
Soooooo, 3 pounds down...

I am happy with the results.  I feel good about myself, and I know this is up to me and only me to do or not do.  Today I choose DO!
Now I only worked out 2 times this week, and that is what I will work on this upcoming week.  More workouts.  I am enjoying my Wii Fit, but need to do it more often.

ONE STEP AT A TIME

Well, here it is beginning of day 4. Wow day 4, and no regret's. LOL, this is huge for me.

Could it be that I am finally ready to do this? My negative wandering mind tells me, "No, you will soon start to fail, and go back into the poor me mode". I have not felt cheated, wanting to be bad, nothing but doing it right. I have logged all my meals and snacks into the Points Tracker, made good choices, stayed with in my points…I know, I know, it has only been 4 days. I might be singing a different tune next week, or tomorrow. One thing my anxiety has taught me is to try to live in the moment, and take ONE STEP AT A TIME. I am doing that today....

WEIGHT

My number 1 complaint in my life right now, today...is my weight. This is NOT unknown territory for me you see, I have raged this battle before. Let me quickly catch you up, for those who know me, sorry you have to endure this again. I wasn't a fat kid, but a chubby adolescent. I met my husband very young and we married young. I was raging a battle with food at that time and he was in the Navy. He was gone a lot, I was lonely and I ate. When we got married I was at my heaviest, about 200 pounds. I am 5' 4" tall. I was a big'en. I stayed that way until I was 29 years old. I lived in Ca. and a friend who also was overweight said “let’s go to Weight Watchers”. I knew I was fat, but I went for her. I loved it; she didn't make it...lol. I continued to go until I reached my goal weight of 130 pounds. It took me 9 months.

Fast forward years...always maintained my weight give or take 5- 10 pounds.  (My perfect weight was about 135-140) Then I turned 40, and soon was diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder. Welcome to peri-menopause and anti-depressants… I have steadily, but slowly gained 25-30 pounds. I am not happy; I haven't been...but have done nothing really to lose this weight. I might get 10 pounds off, but before long it creeps back on. I know I must move more and work harder, but I stay on my pity pot and do nothing really!

So today I am doing it, walking the walk and talking the talk...I joined Weight Watchers Online, Sunday evening.  Climbed on my scale, didn't lie and said I weighed 171!!!!  *scream*  But with the help of WW and my blog...I am going to hold myself accountable and do it.  *repeats mantra over and over in her head* If not now, when?  So that is enough for today, and for now.  I thought this would be hard to do, but nope, feels good.  Feels right.... for now anyways...