Saturday, January 7, 2012

...zzzzzz.....

hahaaha, just to make you laugh...

How do you sleep?
I haven't thought much about this, because I have been in the habit of taking 1/2 of a 2mg Xanax, before bed.  Sleep fine...
I haven't decided yet how much I am going to "share" about my new journey...but I will say I have started counseling.  I had a bad experience with a new counselor in December, I knew I wasn't going back to him.  It is a long sad story, the mental healthcare in Louisiana after Katrina is horrible...lets just say there are not many options for our provider.  I had lost hope after seeing him, and decided I was on my own.  Then I "remembered" a visit with my GYN years ago, and she told me she had a counselor working in her office...(God whisper) I got in touch with her, she was in fact in my network and I met with her yesterday, seems a good fit.  I am so hopeful...we didn't get to far really in this get to know you session, but she was concerned about the sleep and taking Xanax.  Soooo, last night I didn't take it and guess what, didn't sleep much.  I am sure it will be a process, of weaning off and finding a new way to get into a good sleep cycle.  But it did get me thinking.

As many of you know, we have had a lot happening within our family in the last year, and losing my dog, Rocky in October sent me sliding into a depression.  I knew something was different, I knew I had to do something... and thankfully I listened and did.  I am used to anxiety, but this little dose of depression...I was not ready for.  And I had gone off all medication in Jan. 2011... see, I hit a wall!  And this is when I started the Xanax every night, not just when I couldn't sleep.

BUT, I am more than hopeful that this will be a good thing for me.  I am working on my health inside and out...I have found a love for the gym (did I say that?)...yoga, oh how I have missed you...and I am so happy I took this step.  [Cause it was a big one for me...] but step, by step, I go and I know what I desire, in my heart...and I know what I will do!

I am so thankful for the support system I have, a few special people I can share my heart with and know I am safe with them knowing my thoughts and frets, and nonsense sometimes.  They know who they are and they know I love them... And I do think I will share this journey on my blog too.  I have learned so much, by reading blogs and found many friends.  We all have so much in common, really.  I didn't expect to say this much in this post, but I did...we shall see... have a wonderful Saturday!  YOU deserve it.

7 comments:

  1. Brava Kathy for speaking out about this. It's so common and by talking about depression, using aids to sleep (and it can be pills or alcohol) to forget or to be able to block out and sleep and the effects you are helping others. Your journey will be your own personal journal, but sharing the fact that you are taking steps to inner and outer help...you have no idea how many people you could be helping by your openness and honesty.

    You sound hopeful and you sound ready and that fills me with happiness for you. Sending you love and support on this journey to total wellness. Turning 50 has opened many doors for you it seems!! Gotta love the 50s!! xoxox

    ReplyDelete
  2. I agree with Sherry - you are so brave for writing about what you are going through. She gave you some wonderful support and love in that comment. Talking about it - It's a step Kathy - and millions go through anxiety {me} and depression. Loss is never easy. I'm here, your friends are all here, and the good ones - the true ones, won't abandon you. I wish you total healing and restoration on this journey!

    I am reaching out across the miles and I am wishing you the very best as you learn to build again, and renew your spirit. You have a wonderful Saturday too! xo

    ReplyDelete
  3. I do feel a lot like Sherry, you sharing your journey and knowing other people you may be helping, that is a good thing. So many others out there suffering that may find an answer you may give and not even know you did!!

    A change I have seen in you is your ability now to listen to yourself and listen to what your body is telling you. That is half the battle right there. So many of us ignor our inner thoughts and feelings our bodies give us. You have learned to listen and that is what has brought you to where you are now. Finding a good counselor and bonding with them is the best thing that can happen. I know, I have been there. I knew I needed help when I reached out and thank God it was a fit. They make you do the work but they are by your side and guide you through the process. I did things I never thought would be possible. I applaud you for looking this straight in the eye and taking the steps to making your inner and outer self better. I am very proud of you my Dear friend and I admire your strength and courage....

    Kathy I have to laugh at this picture you picked out....that has Jim and Debbie written all over it!!! Jim gets the trophy for loudest snorer, my gosh that guy can snore. When Dyani spends the night she always comments on how loud he snores!!! Thank God I can sleep through it!! This picture is too funny....

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is a subject most people do not want to talk about or hear about. As a long term person with this issue, I understand. You are brave, and I hope that sharing helps you. I have a support group, friends and family. I am on medication. Without it, I would not be able to do the things I love because life becomes dark. I am blessed, I needed help and I got it. I wish you all the Joy's of life and the healing that I am sure you will have. Hugs, Mary

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi Cathy! I Truly Felt Your Prayer This Morning. Thank you ~ And Thank You For Following Your Heart To Come And Visit Me. I Got A Good Chuckle From The Cartoon Posted In Your Post Of Today. Kinda Looks Like I Did The Night I Rose And Headed To The Easel. Ironic Connection. I'm Feeling So Comfortable Here Speaking With You And Enjoying Your Blogsite So Much Till I Think I'll Join You As A Follower. You Are So Welcomed To Join Me Too If You'd Like. I'm Posting More Since The Passing Of My Beloved Mother. Never Knew Bloging Could Help Comfort In The Way It's Been Comforting Me. Nice To Have Chatted This Morning. Have A Wonderful Week Ahead! Love & Sunshine, Terri

    ReplyDelete
  6. P.S. Please Forgive The Incorrect Spelling Of Your Name In My Initial Comment. K.A.T.H.Y. I Think I Had The Previous Cathy On My Brain. And Hey ~ Just Visited Your Etsy Shoppe And Viewed Some Of Your Previous Work In The "Sold Items". Love Your Work! I Sometimes Paint Lit'l Houses Too.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hi Kathy I just found your blog and Im so happy! Ive been struggeling as a newbie blogger and now Im stuck in a rut cuz Im not sure where I belong? Im going through a life altering event and sometimes I so want to blog about it but others say dont just keep it to projects and that nobody will really read it.My inital intent was to chat about my life experiences good and bad and to join in the craftiness as well,kinda like you have. Please let me know what you think,Im your newest follower:) Deidre~ http://simplysimplisticated4.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete