Saturday, September 22, 2012

I feel peaceful...

I feel peaceful...
It hit me in the shower today (this to me is funny, because I have a friend who talks to God in the shower, she is one on my 'trues'...and she knows who she is)  This feeling was very subtle the way it came to me, almost like anxiety, when it comes and goes... Not like a flip of a switch, how I would prefer things to be.  Well, the OLD me would.  But it was very much there and I am not sure how to explain it but at the same time I very much wanted to write about it, so I won't forget it.  I think it was a God's whisper.  I have a busy day ahead of me, but I wanted to take time for this.

Now I still have worry, we all do.  I am very concerned for my husband, he is more private than I am, so I respect that and haven't shared much of his health concern.  But I am fearful some days and have nervous times.  I am so far away from my parents, and this is the time of their lives when things are challenging, and how I would love to be close to them. Well, I am very close to them, in our hearts.  That to me is a blessing and always has been, you can live near your loved ones, and not have this closeness.  But close to them so I could be with them, and hug them and kiss their cheek, and help them...  Just help them... So I am not saying I am without conflict, worry, anxiety...but I feel peace.  I think it is God's grace.

I am not one to say you have to go to church, to love God or believe in him.  I am not a religious person, and I know people get uncomfortable with talk of religion.  But I was always the first to say, I can't "let go, let God"  I just can't.  Maybe that is because I haven't allowed myself to have a 'real' relationship with him.  I am learning now to do that.  I don't think I could have done it on my own, without church and the wonderful people I have met there.  Do you know how on your own?  I don't know...All I can say, is I have a few very special friends who have helped me...see a different way.  I love them, xo.

I know my husband will be fine, I believe it fully and he is well on his way with treatment.  I will take prayers for him.  :)  My mom and dad, are struggling some days but holding their own... I hope they find some help to come into their home, my sister is working on that.  But they resist a bit, it is hard to give up your independence.  But it would be someone else to chat with, take some of the work from my dad...just lighten their spirits. Thankfully I can talk to them...and if I make her laugh or just tell them how much I love them...then I will take that and be grateful for it.  I hope to visit them by the end of this year!

My anxiety is in a good place, I have a job I like, and I work for great people.  (now if you have been following me long, you know some of the jobs I had...lol, so this one is a good fit for me, I hope they feel the same)
So live goes on, as it has.  But I 'feel' I have a new perspective...Thank you God.
xo

after-thought...did you notice I didn't mention art once?  I struggle sometimes, as this started as my art blog, and I feel bad that I am not sharing art.  I have not done anything creative in SO long...and I didn't miss it much.  I am starting to get that urge once more and I have some  supplies on my art table as I type this.

9 comments:

  1. Oh Kathy:

    You are blessed to find calm. I'm still struggling and searching. I see God work in other people everyday. Hang on tight and stay close to him.

    xoxo
    Kim
    Gerushia's New World

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  2. This is beautiful, Kathy...May you ALWAYS be covered in God's grace. And blessings to you and your family. xo Cindy ((((hugs))))

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  3. Oh but you ARE being creative. Can you see it? It's there in a different way than what you have been used to. Think on that. Anyone who is covered in God's grace is. xo

    I LOVE that you had an epiphany of sorts in the shower! :) It's kind of a great place isn't it? Small, quiet except for the running water and it's peaceful. You can "hear". And while it's true that anyone can be close to God (or whoever/whatever they believe in) anywhere, sometimes being in a Church and having that community and that quiet comfort is necessary. Doesn't mean it always will be...doesn't mean it won't. We all travel to where we need to be by different routes right?

    You are so changed. I was thinking that this morning and it made me smile because months ago you would almost never have believed it would be true and now here you are. You are sure and you are finding your voice and you are not only comfortable with it all -- you are peaceful. Brava my beautiful friend! ♥

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  4. What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your personal thoughts. I do hope you find your way back to creating again soon. Thanks so much for visiting with me today:-)

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  5. It makes my heart feel so good to know you are feeling that "Peaceful" inner feeling. And being able to feel it knowing there are things that are a concern in your mind, your family and Hubby. It truly is a blessing that you are on this path. I find myself using my time in the shower for talking and thinking things out and I cried a lot in there when I lost Coco Puff. You are such a beautiful person and you are shinning brightly!!! xoxox

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  6. Kathy, this is a beautiful post. It's a challenge to set out in a new direction, scary, but very exciting too! I don't know what made you seek a new path, but I'm very happy the one you've chosen is giving you peace and satisfaction. He's always been with you! :)

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  7. Hi Kathy, Hope you had a happy Pink Saturday. Thanks for your visit and comments. I enjoyed reading your post. May God continue to bless you. Joyous Wishes, Linda

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