Saturday, September 22, 2012
I feel peaceful...
It hit me in the shower today (this to me is funny, because I have a friend who talks to God in the shower, she is one on my 'trues'...and she knows who she is) This feeling was very subtle the way it came to me, almost like anxiety, when it comes and goes... Not like a flip of a switch, how I would prefer things to be. Well, the OLD me would. But it was very much there and I am not sure how to explain it but at the same time I very much wanted to write about it, so I won't forget it. I think it was a God's whisper. I have a busy day ahead of me, but I wanted to take time for this.
Now I still have worry, we all do. I am very concerned for my husband, he is more private than I am, so I respect that and haven't shared much of his health concern. But I am fearful some days and have nervous times. I am so far away from my parents, and this is the time of their lives when things are challenging, and how I would love to be close to them. Well, I am very close to them, in our hearts. That to me is a blessing and always has been, you can live near your loved ones, and not have this closeness. But close to them so I could be with them, and hug them and kiss their cheek, and help them... Just help them... So I am not saying I am without conflict, worry, anxiety...but I feel peace. I think it is God's grace.
I am not one to say you have to go to church, to love God or believe in him. I am not a religious person, and I know people get uncomfortable with talk of religion. But I was always the first to say, I can't "let go, let God" I just can't. Maybe that is because I haven't allowed myself to have a 'real' relationship with him. I am learning now to do that. I don't think I could have done it on my own, without church and the wonderful people I have met there. Do you know how on your own? I don't know...All I can say, is I have a few very special friends who have helped me...see a different way. I love them, xo.
I know my husband will be fine, I believe it fully and he is well on his way with treatment. I will take prayers for him. :) My mom and dad, are struggling some days but holding their own... I hope they find some help to come into their home, my sister is working on that. But they resist a bit, it is hard to give up your independence. But it would be someone else to chat with, take some of the work from my dad...just lighten their spirits. Thankfully I can talk to them...and if I make her laugh or just tell them how much I love them...then I will take that and be grateful for it. I hope to visit them by the end of this year!
My anxiety is in a good place, I have a job I like, and I work for great people. (now if you have been following me long, you know some of the jobs I had...lol, so this one is a good fit for me, I hope they feel the same)
So live goes on, as it has. But I 'feel' I have a new perspective...Thank you God.
after-thought...did you notice I didn't mention art once? I struggle sometimes, as this started as my art blog, and I feel bad that I am not sharing art. I have not done anything creative in SO long...and I didn't miss it much. I am starting to get that urge once more and I have some supplies on my art table as I type this.