Saturday, October 22, 2011

thankful...

"Be prepared to let go of anything I take from you, but never let go of My hand"
Today is a day of reflection for me, and gratitude.
It also brings back a flood of memories and fears.  The last few days have…
Today is a year, last year at this time my husband Steve was having his open heart surgery.  I won’t retell the story, but he found out about his heart problems during his 50 year Wellness tests… Things happened very quickly, tests then the surgery. 
Steve is my “everything”; I went from my parents, to his side at 18 years old.  We have been through many things together, and our path has taken us away from family…so you see it is he and I. 
My fear, what would I do without him during that surgery?  He was always there for me, for all of the hard times…I was alone.  Or was I?  I am not a religious person, I believe in God.  But for the first time in my life, I really believed…I felt his presence, I knew he was with me and I knew he was with Steve. 
My outlook has changed a bit; I do not question being alone any more.  I know I am not.  I am still learning. 
I had the company of my very special friend, my “sister friend” who came with us that morning, and stayed by my side all day.  I love you Bridgette, you will never know what that meant for me, for you to be there with me.  I had friends come by the hospital as the day went on, I am so grateful for them. 
You never, ever know what you are capable of doing.  I struggle with fear and fear based thoughts, it is ongoing and it is hard work….”I am not where I want to be, but I am not where I once was”…that is my mantra…
I love my husband with all of my heart, I have for the 34 years I have know him… we have struggles like all couples... but I am so happy that he is here with me.  Call me very grateful today.  I love you Steve…

4 comments:

  1. So much love. So heart spoken. So happy that the two of you still have one another. Here is to many, many more years ♥

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  2. I so love hearing things like this. I am sure Steve feels the very same way. I know going through my surgery I am grateful for so many things in my life but one very special person who was by my side, Jim. He too felt that feeling one day at work a couple days before my surgery. Something came over him and told him I would be okay, I would make it through the surgery. I also had my daughter, and my loving sisters by my side that day praying that I would make it through the surgery. It is times like this we reflect on and give thanks and also very thankful for the people who love us so dearly....I so understand everything you are saying Kathy...xo

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  3. It's the peace that passes all understanding. I struggle with fear too, and that peace is what I strive for.

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  4. To be thankful is a gift from God. That recognition of His presence in our most difficult times.
    I am so happy that you are still together and that love binds you. That is so special.
    Fear can be such a negative force in our lives but with God holding us in the palm of his hand we need not be afraid of the fear and have the courage to face it.
    x

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